Stomach

Everything seems to end up there, in the stomach. The butterflies when love is around, the neurosity when you are going to do something in front of people, the pain when you are stressed and not thinking of what you're doing. And this is my situation now. I've been on the computer playing "spider harp" at all times when I should have done other much more important and good things. So here I am with a stress stomach trying to recover and again I just have to unload the games on my computer. Once an addict, always an addict.

Nutcracker at Christmas time

Christmas is soon here, everybody is planning. But it is not enjoyable to make plans for everybody. Some people doesn't have anyone to plan with or to celebrate with. Who knows that it is Jesus birthday we're celebrating? It is so much just a matter of making the right food, making the table in a fashionable way, buying the best Christmas-present, ever...I have met a lady in the streets of Stockholm. She was sitting outside systembolaget a sunny summers day. She was in a terrible state, but she gave me a wonderful smile and said: could you give me some coins? On my way into systembolaget I had mixed feelings. But I gave her some coins and said "God bless you" and felt like a real hyopcrite! But then she gave me an even brighter smile and said "God bless you"! I couldn't get the smile out of my face... Now, once in while I see her, and just yesterday I saw her in telefonplan. She looked rested. I'm to shy to talk to her, but I will again some day, hopefully before Christmas...

Balance

How to keep a good balance in life? Well today I think I got it. I need God, friends, Church, work, creativity, but most of all, Love. Or in all of it, there has to be love; love is the engine of life. So when driven by love I can see beyond "me beeing enough" as is usually my problem. It isn't about me. And I can see what would be good for me to do now, if I want to be driven by love. Well, of course, I have to bake some buns, or saffron bread. It makes me complete for tonight! See ya tomorrow.

Good music

Had a pretty busy sunday, but all nice things. Friends trying out their engagement rings, coffe and lunch with Kattis. Church and actually no responsibility, just listening and singing and praying. New and interesting people there, great. Isn't it exciting when you meet someone new? Everybody has a history. I was on my way home after delivering an important paper, but some of my friends from church were on their way to Glenn Miller caf'e to listen to Anna Christoffersson och Steve Dobrogoz. Went with them. So great, I just love this place, it is exactly how you want a jazz place to be; good music, nice food and drink and small and cosy not big enough most of the time...

God and love and time

Padjelanta 06

God is love, love is relationships. There is no love without subject. It has to be a me and a you or we and you. And I am talking about the giving love, agape, love that doesn't seek its own. That is an explanation to why God is three in one God. God is love and a subject aswell. God does'nt need us, but wants us.

It is amazing what comes to you when you're talking to someone. When you really meet. I know this isn't new, no way, but sometimes it just hits you. It is good to talk and share thoughts and that takes time. Give time to each other.

Nice days indeed

Back again in the city. Had very nice days in Luleå and Älvsbyn. Great to have time to eat, drink and talk about the old day's.. During visits before I was more stuck to be with my parentes, but as they've moved south I was able to spend more time with my friends, and that was pure pleasure :-) I was also able to sell some of my jewellery, which was also great. But yesterday I was in the work shop again, and that too is pure pleasure!

Going north

There is nothing so exciting (almost) as to just drive away, and far away. I got a Hertz freeride, a volvo to drive from Stockholm to Luleå. Perfect. The car in it self was a blast, even though warnings were out about slippery roads, I wasn't even able to make the car spinn or slide when I wanted to! Great. Good music and all by myself with my thoughts. And when I'm on my way north, my thoughts are on the target of how can I make a living up here and where? Home is everywhere, maybe one day...

Dead-line

It is close to dead-line and I'm just waiting for something to do. I've been working at the 0newspaper Dagen today, as a picture editor. That used to be my living and it's just fine being here once in while. I just love being able to work with different things! When I was young I really envied people who could just "jump on every train that passed". That is not really my situation, but I have a few occupations to choose from. And even better; I like them all....

Money

I wish it wasn't anything to me, this thing about money. I have a clear view of being totally dependent on God and not worrying about money. I really would like to live like that. But most ofthe time it doesn't work. I worry. Is everythng coming in, on time, as much as I thought? And this month, yes. Puh. But then, when I have a bit more than usually, what shall I spend it on? I will let myself rest from that now. Don't worry, be happy...

A new life

Is it true that there is a chance of starting all over again? Is it true that there is a chance that everything can be renewed? Well what if we only have this life on earth, once, and still there is chance of changing it here and now! We are all broken, sometimes mended, but still, is there hope for us? Yes and yes, there is, He is risen! Jesus came to seek and save the lost. What happy I am that I am a loser. Jesus here I am!

Cold

Sour throut, running nose and sneezing. Can there be a more obvious sign of a cold? But how can I stay at home, I've got a company to run! There are other things to do when you have a company. I can make the administrative things that should have been done for some time. I can fix the jewellery pictures in the blog etc, etc. So there is a time for everything.

Glasses

I have been in need of reading glases for about five years now. And it is getting worse all the time. I bought my third pair in Hamburg. But I find it interesting to be in the years of my parents. I mean, for me they were starting to wear glasses, not Daddy of course, when I started to realize they were real people. Before that they were like the furniture at home, they belonged there. So now I'm a real person.

To our God

Thank You for friends, for shelter and food, for life where there has'nt been life, for laugh, tears and feelings. Thank You for all the things you have done in my life, all the things I've seen You have done in other peoples life. There is no end to Your love. The cost of Your love was everything, the life of Your son.

Germany

Had a long-waited-for trip to Hamburg and one of my best friends, Susanne, last week. She lives there with her husband, Dirk, and two kids of five, Ennu, and Evelynn almost two years old. So nice to be away from the usual and part of something else, a family. To be waken up in the morning by shouts and tiptoes (but be abel to fall asleep again) playing although we don't speak the same language, eating together. But also have time with Susanne, fill in the gaps since last time, shopping and we had a great evening at fabrik.de at a release party. A little late evening for Susanne who had to get up at six in the morning when Evelynn woke up..

Minitrip

Weekend with the fellow-ship; I mean church... Ah, wonderful. Good food, laughs, sauna, biblestudies that challenge, talking to people that you do not seem to have time to talk to during coffé-time at church, sharing difficulties and beeing vulnerable. Love ya!

Rain, I wish it was purple..

The day started out alright. But then everything just went wrong, and I don't know how or why really. It had more to do with me than the rain actually. I was too lazy in the morning, never ready being off to the workshop. I realized I hadn't done the things I had written down on the to-do-list when at last I were on my way to the work-shop. It was nice to find Therese working there, now when we are not sharing seat, we can be there at the same time. But then my mood started falling like the rain outside. Even a prayer-walk with Kattis wouldn't raise it.
And not "Sex and the city" either.

Kyrie Eleison

Fulltime

I've just started to have a fulltime seat at the workshop. It has been really smooth to share seat with Therese, but the problem is that we've not been able to work at the same time! I will not spend full time there, but anytime...

Last night we had a very good meeting with the congregation, Tomaskyrkan. We had to discuss the future and economy and stuff. But it was so cheerful, well needed for all of us. I'm so thankful to be able to share my life with the people in Tomaskyrkan. You are great!

The picture however, is from last year....

Crash boom bang

Today it happened, I drove with the bus into a car, parked and all. It happens so fast (not in km/h!) it is hard to believe I did it myself. But yes, a row of miscalculating and bad planning and there I was! I am lucky for how they deal with these things at work and I had really nice passengers too...
Is this how it works in my life too? It isn't that clear to me, although I've crashed every now and then...
Sonja

Change of focus

Today, between driving and driving (early in the morning til 9 and from 15 in the afternoon til 19) I lay down on my bed and listened to a a young woman telling her story on the computer. It was very interesting story, although I slept through parts, it had an amazing impact on me. Suddenly my focus change, from me, myself, I, to God and how interesting it would be to know what God is thinking. Through the last years I've tried myself to analyze what is wrong with me, I've been so frustrated about little things. Thank you God, what a relief!

sonja ps. Thanks for the tip Elisabet, it had a good effect on me too....

It might not have the same effect on you but here it is:
http://www.plumblineministries.com/surrendered_to_love__testimony_of_jennifer_miller

Much to do

I know I should go now. Really. But there is always, something to read, some stupied sport, like rowing or taekwando, in the Olympic Games, to watch. Maby I miss something? Or checking out my computer, or do I need to shop something? At last, I am off to the workshop, making some new stuff today. Wonder what?
Sonja

Neighbours

Relationships are what occupies me the most. I really enyoy spending time with my friends talking about important subjects as journeys, countries, creativity, relationships, busses, money, politics (ye, really?Yes!), save the planet and God. How to relate to these things? What is love, loving my neighbour..
Missunderstanding, pride, fear, stands in the way of love. Humans, what can we do?

Who are you anyway? Talking and talking, I want to see some action!
Sonja

Imagination

Talking about how different you imagine the things you want to create. Diffrent from the one who order the jewel.. In this special case; my mother. You would think that we know what we speak of, but as it turned out we didn't. My teacher in silver jewellery school, Annsofie Forsman did teach us how to make sketches and pointed out why we should do it to, to avoid misunderstandings. So, ok, now I know.

Summer in the city

There is an awful lot to do in the city of Stockholm even if you're short of money. I love to go for a swim (150m to that!) watch a play at the park theater, work in my workshop (not at all for free, but cheep) take a stroll and watch other peolpe, mainly turists. Nice a? You don't have to buy something all the time, even though I have to catch myself from doing that...stupied credit cards!
sonja

Traffic

It is very interesting to drive around town all day. Friendly faces and nice comments about the driving. Getting eye-contact at the street-crossings with a smiling fight on "who goes first?" But also seeing how people actually risk their lives to cross a street, cars that accellarate to 100km/h just to be the first at the red light, bicycles crossing a street without looking right or left...
Today I came just before the fire brigade to an accident between a car and a moped driver. The young guy lay lifeless on the ground and the car driver totally confused as the brigade started their work. How fast things go wrong...
Watch out, please...
sonja

In the workshop

At last, silver smithing for five hours in a row. Just stopped because I was to hungry to get on. I completed an "Eye-ring". Got some good advice while making it from one of my mates in the workshop. Perfect. I really like how the silver goes from looking blackish, brownish and greyish after being in the fire, to a wonderful shining silvery surface! I hope that that is what is going on in my life as well. From broken, blackish thinking to joyful shining life!

Malum quidem nullum esse sine aliquo bono

Sonja
PS. I'll be back with a photo.

Cold in the summer

Again another cold. I was still coughing from the last one.. But the good thing is this strike, and I don't have to sit in a draughty bus all day! I will try to finnish another ring today when I've finnished my coffe. Money is not an issue but a carrot to make me work even when I don't feel for it.

What do I want?

Reading about an old missionary who died not long ago, after long and faithful service here in Sweden and abroad.
What do I want to do with my life? What kind of traces do I want to leave on this earth, if any? What do I think people will say about me when I die?

Miserere mei, Domini

sonja

Longing for the workshop

Bus and bus and bus, nothing but driving.. The strike will start again thursday, then at last, after guarding at the garage for a few hours I will be able to do some silver smithing. Yes!
The thing is that I thought that now would be a good time to work at the buses, earning some money and then after a few weeks go on with my silver.
But how can I? I really need the mixture between being creative and then something just seeing people, what is going on around Stockholm and not having to be creative. That is why the strike comes in handy, I will be able to do some jewellery sooner then I thought...

Ora et labora

sonja

Strike

It is very exciting to be a busdriver. So many interesting people drive busses. I am now learning (when we're not on strike) the different routes that starts out from my new garage. My two fellow-learning-drivers gives me a good laugh every day. One Syrian ex-taxidriver with an interest in astrology and one Swedish ex-construction builder with an old whip-lash injury. Our instructor is one of those really cherful and thorough drivers that ones upon old time used to take us around in Stockholm.
On strike we talk and laugh together with known and unknown fellows at the different strike-bases. The women are not many, I tell you, but there are some. We are represented by most nationalities in the world, it seems...I went to Gullmarsplan with a gang of five among them an ex-New Yorker who used to live in South Africa working as a pilot, flying stuff to needy people. I got there with another guy, half Austrian, half Swede who loves old russian cars and who just shaved his long beard off making his girl-friend cry!
Can you see why driving busses can be a good inspiration when trying to construct jewellery on my own in the work-shop?

silver jewellery

At last, my own blogg! I have wanted to start one for such a long time but it always seemed to difficult. I'm hoping to share with you my frustrations and thoughts round the creative process. Oh this sounds a bit to pompious.. well we'll see what it turns out to be. Today everything was about learning four new routs for the bus on the suth side of Stockholm. I hope I remeber it tomorrow too...

Veritas vos liberabit
soja